you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
