you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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