1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
