You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
