Having a random hookup so left but love u
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize