sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
