he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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