the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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