i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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