Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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