I feel great
I just peed on a car
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
