he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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