My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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