Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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