is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
