My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize