Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
