meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
