She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
