Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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