you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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