Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
