So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My ass is underappreciated
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
