Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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