a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
