please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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