apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
