Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
