Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You are a genius and a whore.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I did not marry a roomba.
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