Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize