I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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