I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm jealous of your bromance
it wasn't lemon gatorade
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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