I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize