Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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