You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
