My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
