dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
