Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
