I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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