I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
