Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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