No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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