i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
