i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
