so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
