i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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