Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
