It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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