Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
