I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
