My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
