Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize