Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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