i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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