Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
