you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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