she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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