What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
