That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
