kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
