You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
