I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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