thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
