Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
